


Persona=False Self

by Clover_Zero



Category: World Trigger
Genre: Dark!Jun, Emotional Hurt, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Internal Monologue, Introspection, Psychology References, Self-Reflection, Why Did I Write This?, slight identity issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-01
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4053400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clover_Zero/pseuds/Clover_Zero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Arashiyama Jun is the face of Border. Hidden behind his sweet smile and words, there lies deep, vast darkness. For World Trigger prompt: The downside of being the face of border.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Persona=False Self

**Author's Note:**

> For World Trigger Prompts: The downside of being the face of Border.  
> Disclaimer: World Trigger (c) Daisuke Ashihara  
> Warning: Bad English. Sorry for grammars and other mistakes. Possible OOC, Dark!Jun.  
> 

**_Carl Jung_ **

_Persona in psychology: "A kind of mask, designed on the one hand to make a definite impression upon others, and on the other to conceal the true nature of the individual"._

**_D.W Winnicott_ **

_True Self: “A sense of self based on spontaneous authentic experience, and a feeling of being alive, having a real self"._

_False Self: “When the person has to comply with external rules, such as being polite or otherwise following social codes, then a false self is used. The false self constantly seeks to anticipate demands of others in order to maintain the relationship.”_

_Unhealthy False Self: “A self that fits in but through a feeling of forced compliance rather than loving adaptation.”_

==XX==

If Arashiyama Jun can honestly describe his social everyday life in short sentences, especially with the public as Border’s face, then his answer would be:

_“Always wear a perfect mask of good-natured, ‘everything is alright’ face, say sweet and assuring words...yes, create a perfect persona—false self, and so everything goes well.”_

It’s not like he hates benevolence—helping society, for instance. He likes to help people, he dislikes seeing people in troubles, and he wants peace in the world and all. He is happy that he, and the others, can help and protect their city with all of their might. He is happy to interact with all kind of people, even the eccentric ones—because he feels like he can learn more about people—society—outside his comfort zone. Experiences with people are good to have, after all. He likes to smile, so that the people around him will become happy too. He wants everyone to be happy, equally, with no exception.

But Border is an organization. A big organization, in fact. Like any other organization, hidden secrets from public exist. As someone who connects public and Border’s internal order most of the time, he must keep the secrets with all of his might. He must say that everything is alright, safe and sound. Even if the situation is actually bad—even worse, he must assure the public with his sweet words that everything is under control. Nobody wants the public to panic, after all.

But he hates to deceive public. He _hates_ it so much. He hates to deceive public with his sweet smile, assuring sweet words and all. He dislikes lies, he dislikes conspiracies—but such things inside a big organization can’t be avoided. For public’s safety and calmness as well, he must _deceive_ public—no matter what, even if it means deceiving his own family.

He also deceives himself. He realizes it. He knows it. He knows how his deceiving words even _eat_ himself.

Even when he isn’t feeling good, even if when he actually disagrees with the idea—he must put up a good act—smile and say sweet words, like usual. But they are all empty smile and empty words. He always feels empty when he is deceiving people. He doesn’t feel good nor bad for it—just—a vast _emptiness._

(His heart aches, his head aches. His body rejects the lies, but his mouth keeps on saying them—like a waterfall, endlessly pouring the sweet lies. His lips make a very sweet smile, forming from countless lies and pains. His false self always win, no matter how hard his true self fights.)

He is so sick of it. He is so sick of the sweet, yet devilish lies. He is so sick of his _own_ voice—his _own_ words—that can’t stop on saying the lies. He is so sick of his weak self that can’t even keep up his own _justice_. He can’t even be true to himself.

Not just that, he actually wants to be equal with the other A-ranks. He wants to be able risking his unit’s rank in ranks battle. Moreover, he wants the opportunity to use black trigger, like other A-ranks do.

(But he can’t. He _must not_ even go near the black trigger. He _must not_ say a thing about it to public. It is one of the _countless_ secrets he keeps hidden. Black triggers’ existence _must not_ be known by public. So, he _doesn’t have_ the opportunity to even try it. As Border’s face, he _must not_ use something confidential.)

On the outside, he keeps a kind, good-nature appearance. Like he isn’t bothered by the fact that he—and his unit—can’t stand really equally with other A-ranks. He always put a kind smile and says sweet words, so that nobody doubts him. So that nobody knows his true thoughts, his negative side—

At this point, he isn’t even exactly sure who he is. Who is himself? Is he the original, real Arashiyama Jun, or the _persona—the sick false self_ of Arashiyama Jun? The Arashiyama Jun that deceives people and himself, or the honest and kind Arashiyama Jun? Why his smile is now is just an empty one? Where does his true smile, which bloomed like beautiful flowers, go to?

Everything is so mixed now.

He is so sick of it. He is so tired of it. He is so tired and sick of using his false self—his perfect persona all the time.

He can even barely get comfort with his family. Most of the time, he is too busy to even come home. Even if he comes home, it’ll be late night and all. He also must be a big brother figure to his younger brother and sister—so he _creates_ another persona—false self—a very good, flawless, and funny brother. Another _deception_ , another _sickness_.

 He can’t open his darkness with his friends, too. His darkness is too vast—too big—too deep—too much and too painful. Nobody can know and nobody can understand his darkness.

(He is all alone. Standing in solitude, in the deep vast darkness field. And yet, he actually sees others, walking passing him—but he is still alone, locked in his world, with no one actually see nor accompany him. It’s painful.)

So, he locked his true self away. He locked his true thoughts away. Away from reality. Away from his persona, away from his false self. Now, his true self—true thoughts—don’t matter anymore. What matters in this world is now a good appearance, after all.

(So that nobody knows the deep darkness inside his heart. The jealousy, the pain of not knowing, the pain of not treated equally, the pain of deceiving people, the pain of piling up endless lies, the pain of losing sight of his real self, the pain of losing sight of his surroundings, the pain of being alone in the vastly eternal darkness—the endless eternal pain—)

Today, once again, Arashiyama Jun puts his persona and smiles to the grey world reflected in his eyes. Once again, he deceives himself with false happiness, and deceives other with his sweet lies.

(Maybe, he has gone crazy since long ago. He isn’t Arashiyama Jun anymore, he isn’t anyone anymore—he is now a nameless actor, living an empty live. He walks in the earth with empty shell.)

-END-

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there! I’m kind of a new fan of World Trigger. Watch anime first in curiosity then it’s actually good, and then I read the manga since I can’t wait for the next episodes.
> 
> When I saw the prompt, I can’t help but to not resist the temptation to write. Actually, I want to make it Yuuichi/Jun (kind of) with Yuuichi comforting Jun. But maybe next time, this is pretty long for only thought introspection.
> 
> By the way, persona is false self, though it can be healthy (not betraying true self) nor unhealthy. That’s my view, though, combining Carl Jung’s theory and Winnicott’s—kind of. Maybe I should use Id, Super-ego, and Ego, instead, but the 1st idea is actually ‘mask’, which means closer to persona.
> 
> Jun is one of my favorite characters. I’m sorry to make you a depressing character here...


End file.
